Archive for February, 2006

« Older Entries

一个人。。的午餐

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
很累。。。已经不能撑了，逃课：回来要真正的睡一觉。。。。已经好久，没有好好地睡了。。。（除了星期六）
回到，又睡不着。。。怎么办？泡了一包泡面，坐在电脑前，边写我的日记（blog）边吃我的泡面，我的午餐。。。
一个人吃午餐其实还蛮享受的。因为你在这一刻才能真正的品尝到它的味道。你能一个人拥有它。。。但是，是寂寞的，因为没有人陪你一起分享那份杯含有“幸福”和最爱的泡面。只有自己才懂，那味道，感觉。。。就像，你说：‘一个人生活，其实很享受，很自在。。。不许交待的太多，因为你能一个人拥有你的时间，不需和别人同时拥有它。。。’ 但是，没人陪伴你，和你一起拥有你的“每一分每一秒”，你会觉得寂寞，你会问：“为什么时间过的那么慢？”一个人再怎么享受“时间”，也只不过是苦的，无聊的。。。不会发出像泡面那浓浓的香味。。。这样的感觉，你要吗？我想，应该没人会要去尝试吧？不过，还是会有人早已“经过”这一段“路程”了。。。即使是曾经经过，也要好好地收起这份难得的“寂寞”。因为，它是，带点苦的幸福和享受的“寂寞”。
“天空不留下我的痕迹，但我已飞过了！”

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Mum~Phone…

Friday, February 24th, 2006

Juz now, my mum give me called…. tears fall down….She ask me wat happened to my brother and me. I don noe how to explain it, but juz told her wat is happened between me n him and wat i m feeling juz now. (Mmmmm…. not juz now but in this few days..) Tears is fall….. I don noe how to describe my feelings at the moment, juz can said "sad" and extremely unhappy… Izit is my fault? I think may be…. Who i blame, perhaps really my fault. I suppose to say sorry to him. Rather, he say 1st to me…. (cried)…..T_T …….. Perhaps wat my mum said juz now is right. I noe she is worried bout us. ~_~ I m feel i am really useless…..aldy 21st y.o, but still make my mum worried me and anxious…. Sorry mum….

Today, still like before.Felt stress, tension and tired. Aldy few days, i felt dizzy, almost fall in a swoon in the lrt and also school! May be aldy few days din sleep well….have only slept several hours…bz for the assignment and mid term… Next tuesday aldy hav to present, but haven finish the assignment yet. I noe that all my group members also felt stress and tired. Especially yoke fong and mandy.. i noe u both felt tension… so that i cant show u both my pressure in front of u all even i oso!This is very arduos…. If i make u both feel uncomfortable when i m talking with u all, sorry ya…….But wat can do? Juz can finish all the things that we suppose to do without care how the consequence will come out later lor, yoke fong….mandy….!

I really unhappy….whether really suffer from this kind of disease? "ANXIETY"….. Let it go…..

Haiz…. Hope that arduous time hurries up or disappear…. TOMORO WILL BE BETTER….

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Except the pressure or pressure……

Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
Hoh…..stress lar….How come? There is no such pressure for long time aldy. So a little uncomfortable now.But….i think i can support to.
Juz came bec from school. So tired today…. Why should be juz tired? Cant be as easy as others? Feel everyday that is not enough….How can have enough time to let me use?  It suspend times at this moment let’s. Let me stay at 5.13pm,now….If certainly, i hope to get back to over. But i noe,it is the impossible things. Sometimes, i will think that, by childhood and oneself have grows up juz; Lose time and juz know one’s own living; Because lose, juz noe the meaning of time…!
It’s really tired and the unkind feelings juz rush into my heart and my mind. Din feel happy at all even came bec home…Y? Juz feel lonely and empty…
Y, why life will work hard like that soon? Suddenly miz my parents…. The heart like lost somethings….
There is a piece open ground emerge suddenly at this moment. I am there is nothing to do juz have to irresolute in this open ground. The life is rare and boring. Feel fed up to everythings…. Hope this kinds feelings will gone.Wont stay be with me to the end of time….Hopefully….
"Don’t be hard on oneself….. U wont be happy if u din put down the unhappy mood, rather, will feel poorer……Try not to take to heart…."

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Sadness & Stress feelings

Monday, February 20th, 2006
Exam is coming soon, felt stress and upset….even though juz a mid term. Not only worried bout the mid term, the assignments also. Still have many things have to do…HAIZ….Who understand what i m feeling now? I think no one….
I juz wan to find someone n place which can let me to express my sadness feelings….. I know you will say:"It doesn’t matter if you wan express bad or unkind feelings out, juz tell me, i will be your good listener." But you dono, is not easily to speak out all the things in my heart n my mind. Dona why, when i m alone, i will think so much,even till cried. But when i stay wif all of you, i juz can pretend. May be can said that i will throw away the bad feelings 4 a moment, when i stay wif all of you. I know, i m incogruent, sometimes….At least i m enough congruent at this time! What can i do?
Frens, what i thinking now, u noe? I dono whether i am become crazy or mad or too tension. It juz made me felt that wan to cease or shutoff everythings. Especially the time…..Can the time stop from this moment? Let me have a space to take a deep breathing.
Now, what is in my mind, not only now…..aldy few days…"GIVE UP"…GIVE UP all the things,of course not "life".But studies….Felt hard…..Suddenly felt hard to continue…I noe any of the consequences will happens….juz like this world is actually keeping changing in every single moment. It show that we are actually changing too, isit? May be i m the one who never change n dono how to remould my ideology.
"GIVE UP" appear in my mind without stop. How come? Even i am try to dump it and clear away it, but it still arise in my mind. I am suffering now!!!!Who can help me? I want the best treatment out from what i m suffering now.
" Things wii gone or pass…or even bad, sadness, stressing feeling will pass. It depends on how you want it to be…. if you choose to be unhappy…. then the result will beunhappy. But if u choose to see and feel in positive ways, the result will be not the same."You told me b4….But you know that which i will choose.
I am now in the difficult situations…. you won’t know and understand what i m feeling. You won’t noe…….T_T

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

忧闷的一个下午

Saturday, February 18th, 2006
一个人呆在房里，边听歌边看着老师给的notes。。。心里有种说不出的感觉。什么感觉？可以是空虚，可以是寂寞，也可以是孤独吧。就是说不出到底是那种感觉。。。希望，今天的苦与乐，都是明天的细碎的回忆吧！
孤独，寂寞，空虚是人的宿命吗？它基于这样的一个事实。你不可否认。孤独，它不可消除，使爱成了永无止境的寻求。有谁在世上不需要有一个伴？人是需要一个伴，有人疼你，终归比没有好。当你感觉孤单时，你会想被人疼，因为被疼是很幸福的。至于精神上的幸福，这只能靠我自己—–永远都会是这样。对我来说，只要你心中的那个美好的天地完好无损，就没人能夺走你得幸福了。
孤独，寂寞是一种痛苦，也可以是一种享受。为什么？当你觉得寂寞时，没人在你身边陪伴着你。的确令人觉得痛苦。但，你尝试在晴朗的今天，仰望着天空，你真的就会获得一种你前所未有的快乐。这就是一种享受。能再同一时间获得两种不同的感觉，其不是一箭双雕吗？
我觉得我必须学会享受寂寞，因为我知道它并不可怕，它其实就像个沉默少言的朋友，在这清静淡雅的房里陪我静坐。它虽然不会给我淳淳教导，但它却会领我去反思，给我一个丰富的想象国度。。。。其实，它真的是一首很有意思的诗，一道很漂亮的风景，一曲很美妙的音乐。也许，你会说：“别自己骗自己了，寂寞怎么会是一首诗，一道风景和什么音乐呢？”因为你没有尝试过，或是你一直以来都是幸福的吧。我相信，在同样的时间，在不同的空间里，一定有人和我经历同样的心情。
虽然，我说它是，美丽的东西。但，还是希望它只是偶尔经过，不要停留得太久。。。。。。。。

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

日记其实是。。。

Friday, February 17th, 2006
你开心吗？不开心？那，你不妨学着在你心里种一颗“忘忧草”吧！让它帮你遮挡忧郁，给你心灵带来清香和快乐。“忘忧草”Lavender其实可以是一本日记。你不要的烦恼，它能帮你收起。
日记，已成了我的另一半。它永远都欢迎我到它的世界去做客。。。因为这样，我越来越爱它，相信它和爱护它。它不曾出卖我，背叛我。。。。。打开你的日记簿吧，让它有机会靠近你，了解你。
我们在生活中，碰到挫折，遇到烦恼在所难免，内心的忧闷`愤怒会不停的涌上心头。。。。忠想找个地方来发泄。不然会感到心里憋的慌。有时候，当你想找个朋友诉说时，他也许不是你的最佳选择，同时你明白，怒气也不可能往你朋友身上发啊！在这时候，最好的方法莫过于建一本“烦恼日记”，把你不开心的，烦心的，生气的，都在日记里大倾诉，把那些不开心的和怒气的都化成文字。
我记得我看过一本书是说，曾经有位医生鼓励病人坚持写日记的习惯（烦恼日记），每天早上起床10分钟，把自己的感受写下，不管是开心的还是不开心的，都一一写下。事后并不能去修改，也不再重读。。。。过了一段时间，当他把自己的感受表达出来后，发现脑子更清楚， 也能更好的处理一些他本来不懂得怎么处理的事。这种自我交谈的方式真的能帮你解决许多问题。。。。！
我能告诉你，当你在生活中感到沮丧时，学我，把自己的低落的情绪写下，像日记般的写下，把你心中快乐的，不开心的向日记诉说。他才是你能信任的朋友。当你写完后，你会感谢他，因为。。。。你会重新燃烧起生活的热情。日记之所以值得赞美，在于他并不会站起来反抗你，不曾埋怨你为何永远都把烦恼留给它处理，它才是你真真的知己，朋友。

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

我开始懂了。。。

Thursday, February 16th, 2006
已经凌晨1。25分了， 还没睡。。。睡不着吗? 你们呢？还是一样，坐在电脑前，听者Yanzi的“开始懂了”。超爱这首歌曲，蛮有意思。。。我不懂我自己，为什么每当听抒情歌曲都会想要流泪呢？过去是这样，现在还是这样。。。也许我真的患上anxiety吧！也许就像老师说的，我真的需要去见催眠师。真的需要吗？有那么严重吗？我一直活在过去走不出来吗？有谁比我更了解我自己吗？没人更了解我自己了。
今天，突然有点感动！尤其是在这一刻。没有原因。。。就纯粹觉得感动啊！也许你会觉得我很奇怪，但我已习惯了。。。有时候，心情也会很反复的哦。。。
“相信你只是怕伤害我，不是骗我，很爱的谁会舍得？把我的梦摇醒了，全部幸福不回来了。。。。开始懂了，快乐是选择。。。。”明白的人就会懂了。重复又重复的听着。。。。

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

~雨后的心情~

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
“刚下过雨的天空真美。可是，一个人的天空是寂寞的。。。。就算你如何把它填上色彩，也不会在一夜完成，因为你身边少了他的陪伴。那时，只不过是你一人，孤单的，涂。。。这有意义吗？你会开心吗？你是虚伪的，如果你是觉得开心的。。。”我希望寂寞只是经过，不会停留。。。
我记得，你那温柔的嘴角，轻轻挂着一丝笑意，我的心，曾怀疑。。。是否该继续这玩意，无聊的游戏？心想着你，放不下去。。。你是否曾感应？
你继续你的话题，我继续我的默剧；或是你继续你的默剧，我继续我的话题。什么事再不互相提起。。。。
我也许只是你人生中的甲乙丙丁。
我选择依旧沉默不语，想放弃，想逃离，却依旧放不下你。我该如何决定？我明白，放下就等于失去。这种感觉的确会令人舍不得。我也清楚的知道，其实痛苦并不是来至于失去和放不下，而是，来至于我们不肯放手。对吗？
凌晨12点，所有人已入睡，唯独我醒着，有些冷，但不孤独。（因为刚下完雨。。。）宁静的夜晚，不会说话的电脑的陪伴，柔柔的音乐做伴，有美丽的回忆，我不觉得孤独，。。。。。但。。。。想哭。
“爱情的魔力很大，只可惜，期限不是太久。。。”

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Dont give up…..

Monday, February 13th, 2006
Valentine….? Have no meaningful for me! What kind of valentine? Can u all tell me?
I aldy received ur card today…..,actually i suppose to feel happy,but i m not. Besides that, I have no chance to say thank you to u… Y din give me any respond to when i reply u? And y u post the sentense that will make me upset n worry? I don like it…plz delete it,can? I dono whether u aldy received what i ever send to u onot, but i hope that u will get it. I juz want to tell u, no matter wat n how,i will always b there 4 u! Dont give up too easily before i say no,k? Can u promise me? I wish to c u always be happy….Miz u….
Wish all of u have a nice VALENTINE’S DAY…….Even the guys o gal have not yet found their dream’s partner…..

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

What the different of Solitary & Lonely?

Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
  I never feel solitary, coz i have a lot of "pig frens dog fren", but i feel lonely now….,the feelings rush into my heart…suddenly!
  Whenever the feelings are sustain with long time, it’s easily lost thhe direction, you won’t know who r u @ who m i from that time you lost urself…..
  I am the one who felt lonely now…seems like a empty tin @ bottle, emptiness like lost everything that i possess now. I never possess the sense of security. Like mad person, laugh like crazy guy….laugh out loud to pretend that i am not brittle and friable. Pretend myself with hang up the mask. I scared, i feel scared when i am alone…..
  Actually, lonely person is the 1 who really needing someone’s "love",  more than the limited u can give……can you?
  The sky is so beautiful…..the lonely sky…..

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

« Older Entries